Sunday, August 16, 2009

We are all keepers

Things just got worse as the week progressed, but I thank the heavens above that it is almost over. I'll be back home shortly from my weekend away and I'm not hesitant to say that I am extremely relieved.

I've tried to re-write the body of this blog about four times already.
I suppose it's time to move on to some different subject matter.

I'm not going into the generals, I'm bringing it down to one specific issue: "the one who got away."

Sometimes, we form relationships with people who seem almost too good to be true. Sometimes, we find people who are just so wonderful and smart that you just want to "lick their minds" (in the words of Jason Stackhouse, ha). Sometimes, you find people who you want to spend some time with, open up to, share your feelings for, etc. Sometimes, these people escape you. They disappear. Fade away. Sometimes, you escape them. Sometimes, you're afraid that, since they seem "too good to be true" that they don't deserve you. They don't deserve how fucking fucked up you can be sometimes. They don't deserve contradictive honesty, they don't deserve indecisiveness, they don't deserve your imperfections, and all of the above.

Sometimes, you let the best friends/boyfriends/girlfriends that you could ever have, slip away. All because you are selfish. All because you are so closed off to people that sometimes, they only get a short time to see the best of you and they end up experiencing the worst while you push them away, shut them out, make up excuses not to see them anymore, etc.

I've come to realize that I've let that happen one too many times. I've come to realize that when you find the right friend or potential significant other and you know that you have that chance with them, please, go for it. Even if it doesn't last forever. A handful of good times does not even compare to a lifetime of bad with a dash of occasional amazing (which we sometimes seem to think makes up for the bad).

Just to have that person with you, to be your friend, to comfort you, to love you, to adore you for who you are, good and bad and not for some costume shop show that you put on for those who don't matter, that's what is important. Even if you feel like you don't deserve those people, you fucking do. Because in the end, they are the ones whose opinions truly matter. Those faux audience members in the reality shows that you put on strictly for them are the ones you need to leave behind. They are the ones that should slip away and disappear behind the curtain; beyond the veil.

A cheesy and a very "me" example would be Harry Potter. No matter if you read the books, saw the movies, or both, it's an evident part of the storyline: Harry pushes (or tries to) the ones who truly, truly care away from him. Luckily for Harry, they stick around and/or come back. However, each an every time things get tough for Harry, he pushes Hermione away. He pushes Ron away. He pushes away Dumbledore at times, Ginny, and all of the people that really care just because he feels that his connection to the most evil creature on the face of both worlds makes him not good enough for anybody. It's not true. He has so many more good and lovable inner qualities that overshadow the evil which he seems to think is stirring on the surface, ready to tear into him and destroy him forever. Love saved Harry when he was a baby and it saved him as an adult.

Even though loves comes in all different shapes, forms, amounts, it's still love. It's still caring for that other person. And all I'm trying to say is, don't let those people go. Don't ditch those people for someone you think is better and really isn't. Don't ditch the nerd for the jock. Don't ditch the mousy girl for the slut. Don't leave your family for something else. Keep these people around you because they really matter.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like and where exactly I'd be if I had let these people in and let them stay. I wonder who I'd be. I wonder how I'd be getting along right now and if I'd have less negative energy and more positive energy. Keep these people with you.

Keep the people who appreciate you for who you are. Despite what you may think, there's a group of people like that for each and every one of us. They're hard to find, like needles in a haystack, but they are fucking worth every minute of your arduous search when you do find them.

True friends are true friends and that is all.

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